


You Really Got A Hold On Me

by letmeloveyou814



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, McLennon Big Bang 2018, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 05:45:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15503619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeloveyou814/pseuds/letmeloveyou814
Summary: Just as they were entering the shop, someone bumped into Paul.“Shit. Sorry mate.” The stranger apologised and looked briefly at Paul before leaving.“Yeah… Ok” Was all Paul could muster in his bewildered state as the guy stormed off.Paul’s head was a mess. He was so confused. What on earth had happened? Nothing made sense. Later on, Paul would not remember much of what he was thinking as he sat there, panicking because of this new revelation: he found a guy attractive, very attractive. And the worst thing was: he wanted to see that guy again.Paul, John and a casual encounter that would change their lives.





	1. If we're meant to I'll meet you there

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the [McLennon Big Bang 2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/McLennonBB2018). I had so much fun writing this (even though I procrastinated and wrote the bulk of the story in the past 4 days more or less).
> 
> I want to thank my amazing friend Clara for her support and encouragement throughout the writing process, I couldn't have done it without you!
> 
> Special thanks to my artist, the wonderful [RennaLemma](https://rennalemma.tumblr.com/). Your art is truly amazing and I feel incredibly honoured that you chose this story to inspire one of your works, thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement, it was amazing working with you!

  **October 5th, 2017. **

**John**

“Ta very much” John said with a smile as he was handed his coffee. He turned around to survey the small coffee shop, trying to find a corner where he could read his book alone, without having to deal with loud people. It wasn’t ideal, John thought, reading in a crowded place but he had somehow forgotten that the library would be closed that day in preparation for Libraries Week. John was beyond excited about it. After all, he was the biggest bookworm ever. The event started exactly on his birthday and it was just another excuse to not have to spend the day with people he didn’t care about in some party his friend Ritchie had wanted to organise like he did every year even though John had told him again and again and again that he didn’t want any parties.

Ritchie had been John’s roommate for a few years and he had the biggest heart anyone John had ever met. He was someone John could count on no matter what, always there to cheer him up and make him feel better and John loved him for that, but there was always a point where Ritchie’s energy became too much for him to take. John preferred staying at home, surrounded by his books or his music. Instead, Ritchie liked going out, always discovering new places and people. John thought that was overrated.

Even though they had their differences, they always stuck together. No one had ever been as kind to John as Ritchie had. No one else had been by John’s side through everything that had happened in the last few years. No one else understood John as much as Ritchie did, or knew exactly what to do when John’s panic attacks got the best of him. No one else knew exactly what to do when John locked himself in his room, a seemingly endless supply of candy on hand; curtains shut and pop punk blasting through his computer’s speakers. John knew he was difficult to manage sometimes, what with everything he had going on in his head but somehow Ritchie just knew. Sure, he actually knew about John and his life, which wasn’t the case with every friend John had, but it was like he could almost read John. He could look him in the eyes and see his soul, know exactly what he was thinking and feeling and it really scared John. Still, he never said anything because he knew that, whenever Ritchie tried to ‘read’ him, it was because he wanted to help John and no one could ever help him more than Ritchie.

It wasn’t that John didn’t have any friends; it was just that he’d rather be alone. He always enjoyed reading and everything it allowed him to do. He could see every little corner of the world he’d always dreamed of seeing, know people he wished he was old enough to see, have wonderful adventures in space, on the ocean and all of that without leaving his room. John was so passionate about reading that he was majoring in English Literature but it was so time consuming that he used to only read the books he had to read for school. In time, John found out that he was going crazy and so his Thursdays’ reading at the Central Library started. He reserved those days only for his books, the ones _he wanted to read_. He chose the library because it was one of his favourite places. It was the most beautiful building in the city and he could read for hours and hours without being bothered. Today though, he had to make do with the small coffee shop. After finding the perfect spot, John sat on a small round table on a corner, as far away from people as he could and kept on reading the book he had started that morning at breakfast before heading off to uni. He had no idea how he had spent his whole life without reading Frankenstein. Now that he started, he couldn’t seem to stop.

After a while, John finished reading his book, stretched on his chair and took his phone out of his pocket. His eyes widened when he saw the time: 16:28, meaning that he had exactly 2 minutes to get to the music store he worked at, which was 5 blocks away. John gathered his things hastily and put on his coat. Just as he was leaving the shop, he bumped into someone at the door.

  
“Shit. Sorry mate.” John apologised, giving a quick look to the guy and stormed off, hearing a soft “Yeah… Ok” in response.

 

**Paul**

“No George, I still don’t think he was” Paul huffed in annoyance at his best friend, tired of having the same conversation for the umpteenth time.

“But he really was! How could you say that?” George asked crossing his arms, like a little child having a tantrum.

“Because! George, why do you keep trying to convince me? We’ve been discussing this for years, I’m not gonna change my mind, y’know?”

“But how can you not see? It’s pretty obvious to me!”

“I’ve already told you a million times, mate. I just don’t think Snape was a hero.” Paul tried to explain as they were turning round the corner, trying to get to the little coffee shop that served the best scones Paul had ever had since his mum’s.

“But why? He sacrificed himself for Harry’s sake like a zillion times!”

“He was a bully!” Paul all but screamed, irritated. “He treated Harry like shit and made him and his friends miserable, I don’t care how many times he risked his life, I just don’t like him.”

“But he…”George started to explain.

“Cut it George, I’m tired of talking about this, we’ll never agree.”

As with many Harry Potter related subjects, the two friends never seemed to see eye to eye. After all, their arguments concerning the saga had been going on almost on a daily basis for years. Paul and George had been best friends since they were mates at school and they rarely ever quarrelled about anything but when it came to Harry Potter, both could be very passionate and things were bound to get intense.

“But Paul!” George whined.

“No George, stop it. I just want to spend my day off work having tea with my best friend without him trying to change my mind about Snape so just let it be.” Just as they were entering the shop, someone bumped into Paul.

“Shit. Sorry mate.” The stranger apologised and looked briefly at Paul before leaving.

“Yeah… Ok” Was all Paul could muster in his bewildered state as the guy stormed off.

Paul found that he couldn’t move.

“C’mon Paul, get in and close the door, it’s warm in ‘ere” George said as he brought Paul back to Earth, if only briefly.

“Ehm, yeah… Yeah, sorry.” Paul felt stupid for his reaction. What even had happened?

“You go get a table, I’ll get the scones and drinks” his friend stated with a small smile, unaware of what was happening. Apparently, Paul was better at hiding his emotions than he thought.

As George got in line, Paul headed to a small round table in a corner and sat on a chair, wide eyes staring in front of him, thinking. He didn’t understand his reaction. Had no idea why that stranger had had such an effect on him. Paul was straight. He had always liked and dated girls and never in his life had he thought any guy to be attractive. So why did his breath hitch when he saw that bloke? His face was engraved in Paul’s memory as if he’d not seen him only for a few seconds but for years and years. If someone asked him to describe the face he saw, Paul wouldn’t have been able to do it, he couldn’t put into words what that face had meant, what it made him feel. What did it make him feel anyways? Paul wasn’t sure, it was a thousand different things at the same time, a haze of feelings that clouded his brain and whenever he tried to pinpoint exactly what those feelings were, it was like trying to catch smoke; they got away before Paul could name them.

As he was lost in his thoughts, George came up to him and placed a tray on the table.

“Alright? The scones are warm so let’s just dig in.” George announced excitedly.

“Yeah, they look great.” Paul started spreading cream and jam on a scone, trying really hard to focus on his snacks and his friend, who had started talking about some sort of film he’d seen the night before, or was it a TV show? Paul never knew.

“… and then she just shot the guy! I don’t even know where that came from!” George finished excitedly, that last bit the only thing Paul understood. “Anyways, I need to get going now; I’m going to be late for class.”

“Yeah, sure.” Paul answered as he watched his friend leave the small shop.  
Paul’s head was a mess. He was so confused. What on earth had happened? Nothing made sense. Later on, Paul would not remember much of what he was thinking as he sat there, panicking because of this new revelation: he found a guy attractive, very attractive. And the worst thing was: he wanted to see that guy again.

  
**Ritchie**

“RITCHIE!” John shouted right outside of his room later that night.

“What do you want, John?” Ritchie huffed annoyed from the other end of the hallway.

“Have you seen my scarf? I can’t find it anywhere!”

“I haven’t.”

“No no no, this can’t be happening!” John gripped his hair, starting to get angry.

“It’s just a scarf mate, calm down!” Ritchie exclaimed, already used to John’s temper.

“IT’S NOT JUST A SCARF, RITCHIE!” John shouted again, almost in the brink of tears. “IT WAS MY RED AND BLACK SCARF, RITCHIE, I CAN’T LOSE IT!”

Ritchie’s eyes widened, realising the importance of the situation and got closer to his friend who had started pacing up and down the hallway. “Okay John, I understand, it’s okay.” Ritchie tried to calm him down. “Did you wear the scarf today?” John nodded. “Well, is it possible that you left it at work? Or maybe at the library?”

“No, I didn’t go to the library. It was closed today. And… Oh no.” John stopped pacing. “I think I remember now! I went to a coffee shop to read before work but I lost track of time and since I was late I just ran off to the store and I wasn’t wearing it when I started my shift.” John rubbed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from spilling even though there was absolutely no need to act tough with Ritchie around, he had cried in front of his best friend thousands of times before. “I must have left it at the coffee shop and now some stranger must have it and I’m never seeing it again and I won’t have anything to remind me of…” It was at this point that John started straight up sobbing, not being able to contain his emotions.

Ritchie knew better than to try and comfort John in any way so he just stayed there, a safe distance between them, until John went back into his room and slammed his door shut. Not 5 minutes passed that Ritchie heard the sounds he knew were coming: electric guitars, bass and drums and the unmistakable sound of Alex Gaskarth’s voice and John’s favourite go-to song when he was upset (and his favourite All Time Low song): Weightless.


	2. We could feel something's broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what [Stella](https://www.catster.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/A-tabby-cat-with-an-ID-collar-on.jpg) looks like.

** October 9th, 2017. **

**Paul**

“Paul are you alright?” George asked his friend at lunch on Friday.

“What?” Paul looked up from his plate, seemingly more interested in his food than his friend in front of him.

George rolled his eyes, annoyed “I said: are you alright? You seem distracted today.”

“Yeah, I’m alright! Perfectly fine! What makes you say that?” Paul asked, an uncharacteristically wide smile on his face.

“Mate, you’re not being yourself! I don’t know what’s happening to you! You’re usually way chirpier than this. And stop smiling like that, you’re freaking me out!” George spat, annoyed at his friend.

Paul ran a hand through his face, defeated. “I just… I don’t even know.”

“Yeah you do. Just tell me! You know you can tell me anything!” George insisted.

Paul was so nervous; he had no idea how to go about this. He’d barely eaten during the weekend. He couldn’t think about anything (or anyone) else. He had been a mess at work that morning; nothing could make him forget that face. How was he going to explain to his best friend that seeing a random stranger at a coffee shop had made him question everything he thought was a given in his life?

“Paul.” George snapped his fingers in front of his friend’s face in an attempt to gain his interest. “You’re doing it again! You zoned out, just like you always do when you’re overthinking something!”

Paul breathed deep. It was now or never. He had thought he’d give himself more time to figure things out before even mentioning anything to George but he was going mad.

“Okay so…” Paul started “I kinda saw a guy the other day and…” Why was this so hard? This was his best friend, his brother! He wouldn’t judge him, right?

“Yeah and…?” George urged him to continue.

“Well um…” Paul scratched the back of his head, unable to say the words he needed to say.

“Paul, just say it!” George almost screamed, annoyed at his best friend.

“Okay” Paul breathed deep again, he noticed his hands were shaking. “I saw this guy and I thought he was… I thought he was actually hot?” Paul finished, unsure of how George would react.

“Yeah and…?” George repeated.

Paul wasn’t sure he heard right.

“What? You’re okay with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay, Paul?” George asked, crossing his arms. “You like a guy, no big deal!” George took a sip of his tea and added “So, you’re gay?”

Paul just looked at him wide-eyed, he couldn’t believe George, he’d be freaking out if it was his friend who told him something like this. Wait, now that he thought about it, that was stupid! Why would he freak out? It was something completely normal; there was absolutely no need to freak out! Also, why did he ever think George wouldn’t accept him?

Paul smiled a little, a big weight lifted off his shoulders. “Ehm, I don’t know?”

“Well, you could be! Or maybe bi, or pan? You could be anything!”

“I don’t know anything, George! I just know that guy was really hot and I can’t get him out of my mind!” Paul huffed, frustrated.

“Okay okay, you’ll know eventually what you are, there’s got to be a label for you out there! Or no label at all, that works too!” Paul wanted to cry. He had spent the whole weekend thinking and thinking and thinking about a million things. He couldn’t stop thinking about that guy, he couldn’t stop thinking about what this meant, what he was, how he always thought he only liked girls and then this stranger comes around and now he starts questioning everything, he couldn’t stop thinking about his best friend and how he would react when he heard about this and here he was: telling Paul he could basically be anything and not judging him.

They stayed in silence for a while, George finishing his food (and his friend’s) and Paul looking at the table with a small smile on his lips, grateful to have such an amazing friend.

“So…” George said between bites and Paul looked up at him “Tell me about this guy you saw”

“Well uhm…” Paul wasn’t sure of how he could describe him. “I bumped into him when we went to that coffee shop last Thursday, remember?”

“Oh! That guy?”

“Yeah! You saw him?” Paul asked hoping George had seen him too and he somehow knew him.

“Nah, I just saw you bumping into someone, didn’t really see him.”

“Oh, ok.” Stupid Paul, what are the chances of George knowing the guy? “Well, his hair was really pretty, it was auburn and messy and it looked really soft and he wore glasses and he was dressed in black and had the most beautiful eyes and I really want to see him again, George!” Paul rested his forehead on the cold table, whining.

“Wow mate!” George laughed “You’ve seen the guy only once and you’re already whipped! How did you not realise you liked guys before?”

“I don’t know George! I don’t even know if I like guys? Like, I may not like any other guy, I may just like this one? I’m stressing out!”

“Don’t worry mate, I told you, you’ll figure things out eventually! You don’t need to know things right now, though I know that must be terrible for you, knowing how you always need to think and know everything!” George rolled his eyes.

“That’s not true!” Paul crossed his arms and huffed in annoyance, just like a little child.

“It is!” George replied. “Anyway, I have to get to work now, see you on Saturday, right?” George said standing up and putting on his coat and scarf.

“Saturday? What’s on Saturday? Are we not meeting on Thursday for tea?” Paul asked, confused.

“You idiot! See? This is what I mean! I hate it when you zone out, you never remember anything I tell you when you do!” George literally face-palmed. “I have to work this Thursday and we have a party on Saturday!” George explained.

“A party?” Paul asked, more confused than before. “Whose party?”

“A guy I know from work is throwing a party for his roommate’s birthday and he wanted me to go.”

“And why would he be okay with me being there?”

George rolled his eyes “Do you really think I’d bring you to a party without the host being okay with it? Mate, he said to bring whoever I wanted!” George checked his watch. “Now I’m really gonna be late and it’s your fault! You owe me!” George exclaimed, already leaving the restaurant they were sat at.

Paul was left alone with his thoughts of a certain stranger and a bill to pay. He didn’t owe George anything now.

 

**John**

It was John’s birthday. His 23rd. It was also the beginning of Libraries Week, which was all John could think about for the past few weeks. Today though, he just didn’t care about anything. He didn’t care about his birthday (despite Ritchie’s best attempts at cheering him up), he didn’t care about books, he didn’t care about coffee, he just wanted to stay in bed all day.

He had been a mess during the weekend, he couldn’t believe he had lost his scarf, it was lost forever. He had taken care of that scarf for over five years, made sure nothing ever happened to it; always made sure he had it with him whenever he took it out of the house and now it was gone, he felt so stupid.

John had skipped class that morning (and on Friday) and had spent the day listening to really loud pop-punk cuddling Stella, his 6 year old tabby cat and hadn’t even left his room when Ritchie tried to lure him out with a steaming hot cup of coffee and a slice of red velvet (John’s favourite cake in the whole world) with a candle on it.

He was dreading going to work today for a few reasons: a) His co-workers were really annoying and he didn’t want to have to deal with that on his birthday b) Everything he saw at work (especially the banjos) would remind him of the scarf and c) His bed was so comfortable and warm and he was really enjoying My Chemical Romance and Stella’s company.

“It’s time to go now, Stella” John told the cat, petting her belly. “As much as I’d like to stay with you, I have to go to work. And shower, I really need a shower” John got out of bed reluctantly, picking out some clothes from his closet and heading to the bathroom.


	3. We're too young, too dumb

** October 12th, 2017 **

**Paul**

What was Paul going to do without George on a Thursday afternoon? He didn’t have classes on Thursdays and he usually met his friend for tea but today he was abandoned. Okay, maybe abandoned was a bit dramatic but that’s how Paul felt. He saw George often and they had lunch together only a few days before but Thursdays were _their_ days.

There was also this new thing Paul felt. He started noticing pretty boys on the streets (no one as pretty as _his_ boy) but he also noticed pretty girls. Did that make him bisexual? Paul tried to remember George’s words: why rush? He could be anything. He could use any label he thought fit or he could use no label at all and right now, that felt right: he was sure he wasn’t straight but he didn’t know what he actually was so he decided the only label he needed was: Paul.

Wandering around the city, Paul decided to do something he didn’t usually do and just sat on a bench in the park. He took his phone and headphones out of his pocket and put on a playlist of his favourite songs and it made Paul feel relaxed. He desperately wanted to see the stranger again but at the same time he felt like, at least while Winter Winds by Mumford & Sons was playing, he didn’t have to worry about anything.

A few songs later Paul felt he couldn’t stand to stay still anymore so he got up as he remembered he had to get strings and a new strap for his acoustic guitar and headed to a music store nearby. It wasn’t the usual place where he bought his supplies but it was the nearest store and it was a decent one.

Paul entered the store and went to the counter to ask for the strings but saw nobody there.

“Hey mate!” Paul turned around and saw a young man re-stocking aisles with microphone cables and whatnot. “You need anything?”

“Ehm yeah, strings” Paul answered and the employee pointed right behind him to where strings for every imaginable instrument were. “Right!” Paul moved to take a closer look at the strings and when he found what he wanted, he spoke to the boy again. “Where can I find straps?”

“Guitar straps?” Paul nodded “You’ll find them in that wall, by the music sheets.” The boy pointed in the direction Paul needed to go.

When he was done, Paul approached the counter again and coughed to catch the employee’s attention once again.

“Oh yeah! JOHN!” The boy screamed in the direction of the small door behind the counter that Paul hadn’t noticed before. “JOHN, COME HERE, SOMEONE NEEDS TO BUY SOMETHING!” He kept screaming, much to Paul’s annoyance.

A few minutes later someone came through the door, clearly as annoyed as Paul was “I’m here Jordan, no need to shout anymore!” and as Paul lifted his eyes to look at the newcomer, his breath hitched in his throat. Standing behind the counter stood none other than _the_ guy. It was him, it was actually him.

“Yeah, what do you need?” the guy (John?) asked, a dull expression on his face.

Paul couldn’t talk, he just kept on staring at John, opening and closing his mouth trying to say something but nothing came out.

John looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed “Mate, are you alright?” he asked.

Finally Paul recovered “Ehm… Yeah yeah, I wanna ehm… I wanna pay for these.” He stuttered, passing John the items he was about to buy with shaking hands. As John went through the register and Paul handed him the money, he felt he was in one of those dreams where you weren’t living what was happening but saw yourself going through it from the outside.

“Yeah, anything else?” John asked, still confused.

 _Do something Paul, move, leave, say goodbye, c’mon._ “Ehm no, nothing. Sorry. Bye.” And with that Paul ran away from the store, cursing himself for being so stupid. He didn’t really remember how he got to his flat but one minute he was leaving the store and the next he was turning his key on the lock and about to sit on his sofa. When he was sure he hadn’t left the store without the stuff he bought (he hadn’t) he started crying. He had really done it this time. He made a fool of himself in front of the guy he hadn’t been able to get out of his head for the past week. He was so stupid and could never go back to that store; he would probably never see that gorgeous boy again.


	4. We got a whole night; won’t you live it with me?

** October 14th, 2017. **

**Paul**

Paul was still beating himself up because of what had happened on Thursday, how could he have humiliated himself like that in front of the most beautiful person he had ever seen? As he was lying in bed for the 3rd day in a row, only leaving to go to the loo or get food and water, he heard a door on the lock of his apartment. At first he tensed up but then he remembered he had actually made a copy of his key for his best friend.

“GET THE FUCK UP, MATE, WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!” George screamed as he opened the door to Paul’s room.

“Well hello to you too, George” Paul said, his voice muffled by his pillow.

George just rolled his eyes and pulled the covers off of Paul’s body, earning a groan from the older boy.

“Leave, I’m not going anywhere.” Paul complained and suddenly felt crushed by George, who decided to lie on top of him. “Get off!”

“Only if you promise to get up right now!” Paul tried to make George leave and was unsuccessful for a few minutes until he managed to throw him to the floor and covered himself with the sheets once again.

“That hurt, you idiot!” George said furrowing his eyebrows, a pained expression on his face.

“I know, that’s what I did it.”

“Agh, Paul, c’mon, get up, we need to go!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s my co-worker’s flatmate’s birthday, I promised I would go!”

“Oh shit” Paul had honestly forgotten about the party. “I forgot George!” He explained as he sat up on his bed. “I don’t wanna go to a party” He said crossing his arms, once again looking like a small child.

“C’mon Paul, we can’t miss this party! There’s no use crying over spilt milk! You can’t be gloomy about this forever. You made a fool of yourself, so what? We all do! I know I do all the time!” George said. “We need to get going; my friend is counting on us, just get up and get dressed! Oh, and shower, you really need it. George scrunched up his nose, leaving the room.

******

“Now, don’t be gloomy, I need you to be your usual self, alright? Remember, this is a birthday party, not a funeral!” George explained as they were approaching the building where his co-worker lived.

“Yes mum” Paul said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

After ringing a few times, a short guy with really bright blue eyes opened the door, an instant smile appearing on his face as soon as he landed his eyes on George.

“George! You came!” He greeted enthusiastically. “Come in, come in!” The guy said as he stepped aside to let the newcomers into his house.

“Of course, mate! I told you I’d come! This is Paul, by the way.” George walked into the house, pointing to his friend.

“Paul! I’ve heard a lot about you! I’m Ritchie!” Ritchie extended his hand for Paul to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Ritchie!” Paul said with a smile.

“You too, Paul! Well guys, make yourselves comfortable, have a drink, have a snack” he said pointing to a table full of food and drinks in a corner “Just do anything you want, anywhere you want, as long as you don’t break anything, just have fun! I’m tracking the birthday boy; he’ll be home in a few minutes.” Ritchie smiled at them the whole time and then left to go somewhere else.

Paul and George scanned the room for a few minutes looking for familiar faces, until Paul saw someone he knew.

“Oi, Ivan!” Paul smiled big, approaching his old mate from school.

The man in question looked up from the conversation he was having with a few other guests and his face lit up as he saw Paul.

“Paul! Oh my God, it’s been so long!” Ivan said as he embraced Paul in a hug. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been fine, Ivan! Going to uni and working, the lot, y’know?”

“Really? Wow, that’s amazing! What are you studying?”

“Music. I know, I know, it’s no surprise, right?” Paul laughed. It felt good to catch up with one of his best friends from school and after chatting with him for a few minutes, he was left alone, George already talking to some guy Paul didn’t know that well.

Suddenly, Paul felt immense sadness again. He had no chance with John, he had screwed up, there was no going back. Okay, being over-dramatic was one of Paul’s most annoying traits but he couldn’t help it, he was an over-thinker after all and that made everything seem a hundred times worse than it actually was.

Paul just wanted to be alone so, remembering Ritchie’s words; he went to explore the house a little bit. He found a hallway with two doors on each side, 3 of which were open, the last on the left closed. Being Paul, he just went for the closed door and opened it. He turned on the light and stepped inside a room that could have been a teenager’s. To his right there was a huge library filled to the brim with books, there were so many that some of them didn’t even fit on the shelves and were on a pile in the floor next to the bed. In the opposite wall there was a desk with a computer on it and next to it, more shelves but these were filled with CDs. Most people his age thought CDs were out-dated, obsolete, useless. Paul, however, thought CDs were amazing and he always found himself buying more and more as time went by. Apparently, this person (Paul assumed it was Ritchie’s flatmate, somehow this didn’t seem like it could be Ritchie’s room) also thought the same, they had quite the collection. As soon as he went inside, he saw the bed on the opposite wall. It wasn’t a big bed but the black sheets, mauve-y quilt on top of it and a few grey, fluffy throw-pillows made it seem extremely comfortable. On top of one of the pillows (the fluffiest one) Paul saw something else that was as fluffy, a tabby cat!

“Oh hello there!” Paul said as he approached the animal, who was inspecting the new visitor. “You like being by yourself too, huh?” He asked the cat as he petted it, earning a soft purr.

As he continued petting the cat, Paul took a look at the walls. If he hadn’t seen a small square of a greyish blue paint on the wall by the window that was on top of the desk, he would have never known the colour of the walls, they were covered everywhere. Book reviews from magazines and newspapers; pictures of writers, musicians and actors; posters and flags, Paul had never seen anything like that. Right on top of the head of the bed, there was a flag with three colours on it, which Paul recognised as the bisexual pride flag and right in front of him, the biggest piece in the room: an All Time Low flag.

“Just take anything you want and leave the cat!” Someone joked from the door, making Paul jump.

“Sorry I just…” Paul froze as he was turning around and his eyes widened. Once again, he was making a fool of himself in front of the person who had changed everything for him. The person who was joking and possibly the owner of this room was standing in front of him and it was none other than John. Paul couldn’t believe his luck.

“Nah mate, it’s ok” He dismissed Paul’s apology with a wave of his hand as he entered the room, only to stop midway “Wait, I know you! You were at the store the other day, right?” John asked.

“Ehm…” Paul scratched the back of his head “Yeah… Yeah I was.” _Don’t ruin it this time, Paul, you can do this!_

“Ha! I knew it! You didn’t look too well and you certainly don’t look well right now, are you sure you’re alright?” John said, taking a step closer to Paul and looking at his face.

Paul wanted to scream “Yeah I’m fine, just tired.”

“That’s good mate! I’m John, by the way.” _I know,_ Paul wanted to say but figured it wouldn’t be nice so instead he looked at the hand John had extended for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you, John, I’m Paul” Paul said, taking John’s warm hand and feeling relaxed the minute they touched.

Neither said a single word and just stared into each other’s eyes for a minute, until John took a step back and stood there awkwardly.

“So uhm… I see you’ve already met Stella” Paul looked at him confused “My cat!” John chuckled.

“Oh yeah! Hey Stella!” Paul said, scratching behind her ears. “Why Stella?” He asked John.

“I love that song.”

“Song? What song?” Paul asked, confused once again.

John pointed to the All Time Low flag “It’s a song from Nothing Personal, my favourite album by All Time Low! They’re my favourite band” John explained.

“Oh! Well I don’t know them that much. Not really my style.”

“Really? And what is your style?” John asked, a grin on his lips.

“Well, I like ‘softer’ music”

“Softer in what way?”

“Well, I love Coldplay, Mumford & Sons and all that, but my favourite band is Keane” Paul explained.

“Yeah, I like those bands, even though they’re not ‘my style’” John air-quoted, mocking Paul.

Just as they were both laughing, a soft knock on the door was heard and Ritchie popped his head inside.

“John, are you ready? People are waiting for you! Oh Paul! I didn’t see you there!” Ritchie said as he noticed the younger boy. “Coming, John?”

“Yeah Ritchie” John said exasperated “In a minute”

Ritchie left and John exhaled, in an attempt to calm down. “He’s too nice. I told him I didn’t want a party and he did it anyway.”

“Are you and him?” Paul tried, unsure. Seeing John’s confusion he added “You know” and motioned to the bi-pride flag with his head “together?”

John burst out laughing “Me and Ritchie together? Are you serious? Oh my God!” After a while John managed to stop laughing “Nah mate, we’re not, we’re like brothers, we’ve known each other forever”

Paul let out a laugh “Okay okay, sorry. Well, I’m going to go get a drink.”

“Yeah I’ll be right there.” John watched Paul get out of his room but before he was gone he said “Come here later, I get easily tired of people and I know I’ll want to come here, I could use some company.” Paul nodded, smiling and leaving John’s room.

******

A few hours, drinks and snacks later, Paul was feeling knackered. He looked around the room at all the people there but he couldn’t see John anywhere so he assumed he had already retreated to his room. Should he take him up on that offer? Or should he just go to his flat and sleep? Paul was afraid. Being around John all night had been amazing but he was scared of the way John made him feel. John was like a magnet and Paul couldn’t stay away from him for a long period of time, he just couldn’t.

Paul had a choice to make. He could either leave and maybe get John’s number via George and Ritchie or he could suck it up and join John in his room.

Opportunities like these couldn’t be wasted. He knew all John wanted was company, he had seen it in his eyes, he was sure of it. So Paul excused himself, left his glass on a table and stood in front of John’s door once again. This time though, he knocked softly.

“Come in!” Replied John’s voice from the other side of the door. “Hey! I thought you’d left!” John was sitting cross-legged on his bed, book in hand and Stella at his side.

“Nah, it’s too early for me” Paul lied.

John chuckled and then furrowed his eyebrows “You haven’t taken off your jacket all night?”

Paul looked down to see that indeed, he hadn’t taken his jacket since he got to the house. “Oh!” He chuckled and took off his jacket, placing it on the chair and then facing John once again.

John’s smile faded and he abruptly stood up from the bed, making Paul step back, suddenly afraid.

“That…” John swallowed. “That scarf” John pointed to the scarf that was around Paul’s neck. “Where did you get that from?”

“I found it!” Paul explained. “I found it on a chair in a coffee shop! Why?”

John was about to cry and covered his face with his hands. He murmured something but Paul couldn’t make out what it was.

“What?”

John removed his hands and looked at the scarf with relief. “It’s my scarf” He said with a small smile.

Paul’s eyes widened “Really? It’s your scarf? So you were sitting at the same table when I bumped into you” Paul instantly regretted what he said and covered his mouth with his hand.

“You bumped into me? When? Where?” John asked, confused. Paul was screwed. There was no getting out of this.

“Well I… Last week as I was entering my favourite coffee shop I bumped into someone and it was you and… Yeah.” Paul couldn’t say he liked John, he just couldn’t.

“Really? And how did you find my scarf? And how do you remember me? I don’t remember seeing you.”

“I don’t know, I guess I just remembered” Paul shrugged. “Well I was with my friend George and the place was packed, except for one small table at the back. We had our tea there and as I was leaving I noticed the scarf on my chair and I just took it, I don’t know why. I could have given it to one of the employees in case someone was looking for it but I just didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay mate, it’s here now, that’s all that matters!” John said as he sat on the bed again and patted the space next to him, Stella on his other side. “C’mon mate, have a seat!”

Paul sat on the bed, a safe distance between him and John. He untangled the scarf from around his neck and gave it to John, who looked extremely happy to have it back. He could swear John was about to cuddle with it.

“What’s so special about it?” Paul asked curiously but immediately said “Sorry if it’s too personal.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll tell you” John stayed silent for a few moments though, admiring the black scarf with red stripes that was on his hands. “See this?” John pointed to one of the ends of the scarf where three letters were neatly embroidered.

“How come I didn’t notice that before?” Paul asked in confusion. “‘J. W. L.’, what does that mean?”

“That’s me.” John explained, looking fondly at the scarf “John Winston Lennon”

“Winston?” Paul chuckled.

“Shh, my mum really liked Churchill.” John said with a small smile. “Anyway, my mum gave me this scarf on the last Christmas she spent with me.”

“Oh.” Was all Paul could say.

“Yeah. She passed away some months after that and this is the only present I got from her that’s not a toy or baby clothes. See, I never saw my mum that often, I always lived with my aunt but still… I miss her so much.” John said, wiping his tears away. “Anyway, enough about me. What about you, Paulie?” Paul almost shivered at the nickname, it was adorable.

“What about me?” Paul asked, letting his body relax against the wall.

“What do you do for a living? Do you go to uni? Are you a dog or a cat person? Because I’ll decide if I like you only if you answer that question correctly.”

Paul’s eyes shot up at this, only to see John’s grin and he couldn’t help the blush that started to cover his face.

“Well I…” Paul tried to control his shaking voice “I work at a sports store a few weekdays and I do go to uni.”

“Really? Me too! I study English Literature, and you?”

“Music. I love listening to music but most of all I love performing it; it’s just the best feeling ever. Sometimes I like busking too.”

John was looking at his lap but Paul didn’t miss the quick glance he gave to a gorgeous acoustic guitar he hadn’t noticed on the opposite side of the room. Paul was ecstatic.

“Oh my God! You play too? We could play together some time! Do you sing as well? This is awesome we could try and see if we could sing one of my songs, if you write as well we could also play your songs or maybe write one together! Oh I can’t wait!” Paul rambled.

John just stared at him, an amused look on his face that disappeared as soon as it came. “I don’t sing.” John looked at the scarf that was still on his lap, suddenly seeming very small. “Well, I don’t sing _anymore._ ” John explained.

“What? Why?”

John sighed, frustrated. “I used to love it, okay? Performing for others was my dream; I even had a rock band in high school! No one I knew ever believed I could make anything out of music, you know? Except for my mum. She always thought I was special, that I had something to give to the world. And I believed her! I couldn’t even play a chord on my guitar after she died. What’s the point in it anyway? I suck.” He explained, tears threatening to escape once again.

Paul felt terrible. There he was, stupidly rambling about how great performing was, and how they could sing together and John couldn’t. He was a prick. “It’s okay John” Paul got closer to him and put his arm around his shoulders, allowing John to rest his head on his chest and cry. “I’m sure your mum was right” He whispered in an attempt to make him feel better.

“You don’t know. You’ve never heard me sing.”

Paul though for a moment, trying to find the right words to tell John “You’re right, I haven’t. But your mum was still right, even if you’re shit.”

“That doesn’t make sense” John lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, already calmer than before.

“Yes it does. Everyone has something to give to the world, John. You, me, the guy who cleans your street, your mum, everybody!”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it John! It may not be something grandiose, like being in a famous band or rescuing someone from a burning building or anything like that. But I can assure you that you are as important as those people. You do have something to give to the world and maybe you don’t know what it is yet but you’ll know. And when you know, your whole life will make sense because of it.” John stayed silent, just staring at Paul who was getting more and more nervous as time went by.

Suddenly John bridged the gap between them and, placing a hand on Paul’s neck, he kissed him deeply.

Paul froze, unable to believe this was actually happening and when John took that as a sign that the kiss was not welcome, he immediately started kissing back, enjoying his first kiss with a boy. No, not just any boy. John. He already felt himself get attached to John. The kiss was soft, yet passionate and John was the one to break it, pressing their foreheads together, both trying to catch their breath.

“Yep, I’ve decided now.” John began. “I definitely like you.” He bit his lip, grinning at Paul.

Paul smiled big, his heart pounding in his chest. “Well, you might change your mind when I tell you about my dog, Martha.”

Both boys started laughing, John’s hand still on Paul’s neck.

******

Paul woke up on Sunday morning (more like noon) with a big smile on his face, remembering last night’s events. After they had kissed, they just spend hours talking. John told Paul about how his aunt had also died a few years after his mum and how Ritchie was the only “family” he had left. John had learned that his and Paul’s best friends worked together in a supermarket and that his dog was at his brother’s house because his building only allowed small pets. (John was thrilled)

It had been one of Paul’s favourite nights of his entire life. He had never felt such a strong connection to someone before and he knew he wanted to see John again. Preferably every day but well, that was up to John.

As he sat on his bed, Paul received a text.

 

**From: John**

so… are you free this evening?

 

Paul squealed. He was glad he stayed at the party.


	5. Epilogue: I’m kinda hoping for forever

**November 1 st, 2018.  
**

"Are you ready?" Paul asked, placing a comforting hand over John's shoulder.

"I think so" the older boy replied, not feeling ready at all. _It's now or never_ John thought.

As they were getting to the park, guitars strapped across their backs, John felt like his legs were gonna give out, they felt like jelly and his heart was about to beat off his chest. "I don't know if I can do it, Paul." He voiced out his worries to his boyfriend, holding onto his black and red scarf for dear life.

Paul put his guitar case down on the ground right next to the bench where he usually sat to listen to music and did the same with John's guitar. "Hey" he grabbed both of John's hands in his "You can do this. You're incredibly talented and you're ready, I know you are. I've never seen anybody more passionate about music than you, baby. We can do this, together." He gave John's lips a quick kiss and when they parted John nodded, still nervous but feeling better.

The two boys sat at the bench and took the guitars out of their cases. John started to panic but one look at Paul's smile gave him all the courage he needed.

Paul started playing, exactly as planned. He began with some simple tunes: a few songs by Keane (his favourite band), some songs from artists John didn't even know, it probably was some of that folk shit Paul liked. John didn't mind though, he actually quite liked some of the music Paul had introduced him to, it made him happy when Paul got excited over a song or an artist, he always glowed whenever he talked about folk and that alone made John love the genre, even though he didn't look like it.

It was strange to John, how life worked. A year ago he felt incredibly lonely and thought he would never find joy in singing and performing again and then, he met Paul and he had given John a brand new outlook on life. He had opened him up to new music and he found himself more and more in love with him each day they had been together. Paul taught John to truly love music again, he taught him how to love life and, more importantly, he taught him how to love himself. John was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Paul; he just couldn't imagine ever being with somebody else after knowing that boy. He didn't think he would ever be able to love anybody as much as he loved Paul. That thought terrified him at first (he was 24 and Paul 22 after all, they were still too young) but he had come to terms with the fact that he was so ready to make Paul his husband/life partner, anything. He just wanted to make Paul happy; he wanted to give him everything. As he was looking at Paul sing, he never felt surer of anything in his entire life and yeah, he could sing.

The plan was to make Paul sing a few songs and then he would join him when he felt comfortable enough. And as Paul started to sing Holes by Passenger, John just started playing. Paul's head shot up at the sweet sound of John's voice and he felt his heart was going to beat out of his chest. It was happening, John was singing in public with him and Paul had honestly never felt happier in his entire life. He felt he'd give John the world if that's what he wanted. He found it hard to believe that a year ago he hadn't even fathomed the possibility of him liking guys and then he had seen John and his life had changed. He still didn't really know what he was or who exactly he felt attracted to, he just knew he had fallen in love with John and John had fallen in love with him and honestly, nothing else mattered to him.

As the song finished, the two boys just looked at each other smiling, knowing they didn't need words to know what the other was thinking. Paul took both guitars and put them in their cases, getting as close as possible to John, grabbing his hands and pressing their foreheads together, unable to contain the tears that escaped his eyes.

"I am so incredibly proud of you, Johnny boy"

"Thank you, Paulie. I did this because of you. You gave me my life back." John whispered softly as he cupped Paul's cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

"Oh John. You have no idea how much I love you"

"I do, because you could never love me as much as I love you" John laughed, making once again that joke that made Paul roll his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Johnny.” And Paul suddenly had a thought. A crazy thought that had been kind of going around his mind for the past month or so. He thought he wasn’t ready for it but now, as he had John this close and his heart felt like it didn’t belong to him anymore, he just knew he had to voice it out. “Move in with me?” Paul bit his lip, unsure of what the answer would be.

John’s eyes widened as he let go of Paul and moved away from him, silence the only answer he gave.

Paul scratched the back of his head, suddenly panicking. He took a deep breath and started playing with his hands “I know we’ve only been dating for a year but I really love you and I want to be with you for as long as I can. I just can’t imagine ever being with someone else but I understand if you don’t want to, just forget I even mentioned…”

“Shhh” John interrupted him softly, taking Paul’s hands that were on his lap, unable to stop moving. “You idiot. Of course I’ll move in with you.” Paul looked up at John again and he had never felt so relieved. “Why would you think I wouldn’t do it? I want to be with you forever, nothing would make me happier.”

As Paul started crying John sat him on his lap and rocked him back and forth, knowing exactly how to calm his boyfriend down. A few minutes later Paul lifted his head and looked at John. “So, it’s happening then? We’re moving in together?” He asked, a big smile on his face.

“Yes we are, Paulie!” John said, showing off the perfect smile Paul loved “And then, we’ll take over the world!” He exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of a few passers-by.

“You’re a dork” Paul said, cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

“That I am son; that I am.”

Paul laughed as he held John tighter; he never wanted to let him go.

 

**The end.**


End file.
